Bozo Beat — Video Game Beaches

With July coming to an end and August at the door, it’s easy to feel that our carefree days of chilling at the beach are almost done for. However, there are countless games that allow you to indulge in summer vibes any time of the year. If you’re anything like me, i.e., morbidly pale, these few games just might help you hold on to summer for a bit longer.

GTA V - Vespucci and Del Perro Beach

This list would be nothing without Grand Theft Auto V’s iconic Vespucci Beach and Del Perro Beach, respectively modelled after Los Angeles’s Venice Beach and Santa Monica Beach. Between taking a spin on the Ferris wheel, cruising on jet skis, and watching ripped dudes exercise, the beach’s countless pleasant and relaxing activities make it a perfect palate cleanser after a long day of terrorizing Los Santos. In GTA Online, however, the beaches are more akin to… well, Normandy. Seriously, do yourself a favor and only play on private servers; you don’t want a bunch of randos on Oppressors blowing you up while you’re just trying to vibe to Non-Stop Pop.

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker - Private Oasis

Very few games exude the same thirst for adventure as The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. The game practically begs you to explore its sprawling ocean littered with unique islands. One of which is Link’s Private Oasis. If you ever get tired of sailing the high seas, this little island is the perfect place to relax and recharge. Though it’s not a beach, the Private Oasis does have its own little lagoon as well as a cozy looking cabana. I don’t know about you, but I’d definitely like to sip a few margaritas with Link on his private island.

Super Mario Sunshine - Gelato Beach

As much as I dislike Super Mario Sunshine, I do have to admit that its island vacation aesthetic is pretty awesome. From the marina hub town of Delfino Plaza to the aquatic funfair of Pinna Park, the game really commits to its theme and makes the most out of its settings. Although it’s home to the notorious watermelon mission (which isn’t that bad), Mario Sunshine’s Gelato Beach is definitely on my list of vacation spots. Whether it’s exploring coral reefs, racing against Il Piantissimo, or hanging out at the juice bar, Gelato Beach looks like an all around fun time.

Far Cry 3 - Rook Islands

Have you ever been on a relaxing tropical vacation and thought to yourself, “Man, I really wish there was more carnage around here”? If so, then Far Cry 3’s Rook Islands are the perfect beach destination for sadists like you. With pirate-controlled outposts, leopard-filled jungles, and shark-infested waters, death is pretty much lurking around every corner of Rook Islands. Fortunately, the signature and ridiculously overpowered Recurve Bow allows you to put up with just about anything thrown your way. The Rook Islands are also full of fun vehicles such as quad bikes, jet skis, and hang gliders, making for easy traversal between killing sprees. Plus, they’ve got really good weed there.

Bioshock Infinite - Battleship Bay

Considering that it’s in the sky, the floating city of Columbia has a pretty cool beach area. Not only can you chill on the beach itself, but you can also play some games at the nearby arcade. However, Columbia’s beach has two major safety issues. One of which is that the water goes over the edge of the city, so don’t swim too far. The second of which is that everyone in Columbia is violently racist, so maybe just don’t go there… at all.

Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy - Sentinel Beach

A lot of people will often say that their fear of deep water comes from watching Jaws as a kid. While it’s a bit embarrassing, I have to admit that my fear of deep water instead comes from playing Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy as a kid. Specifically, it was the lurker shark in the Sentinel Beach level. Whenever I swam too far away from shore, the music would stop and a heartbeat sound effect would rise in tempo as the lurker shark quickly approached and ate me whole; that was terrifying for me as a child. Traumatic experiences aside, Sentinel Beach is a pretty chill level. The game’s day/night cycle really shone there for me, as I loved watching the sun rise over the beach horizon while listening to the level’s relaxing music. Even then, however, the omnipresent lurker shark would still be in the back of my mind. As a matter of fact, it still is.

Kingdom Hearts - Destiny Islands

One of the many gripes I have with a lot of RPGs is their extended prologues; these games really take their sweet time before getting the show on the road. Kingdom Hearts is no exception to this trend. As a matter of fact, Kingdom Hearts II is notorious for its three-hour-long opening sequence. While the first game still succumbs to this trend, at least the opening hours take place on the feel-good Destiny Islands. It’s hard not to feel a bit cheery while exploring the tightly packed beach with the game’s absolute banger of a soundtrack playing in the background. Although the level is essentially a prolonged tutorial, Kingdom Hearts’ Destiny Islands give off this inexplicable sense of nostalgia that gets me feeling all fuzzy inside. However, that warm and fuzzy feeling turns into more of an unbridled rage during the Ursula boss fight.